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Thursday, August 07, 2008
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this black widow (28)
(Prime Buzz) Florida If you're planning to assasinate a candidate for president, it's best not to tell fellow students in your bail bondsman class how you plan to do it (34)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Maine lawyer charged with domestic violence after spanking his 20-year-old daughter over a $5000 phone bill (68)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Man tries to rob video store with Jello box (22)
(Christian Post) Ironic Tila Tequila to fundie magazine: "I've found God." (92)
(KNBC) Cool There are cute ass zoo baby slideshows, and then there's this one (26)
(AP) Weird Man, woman char-ged with assaulting each other with barbecue pit (13)
(MSNBC) News Osama's driver sentenced to five and a half years in prison, should be released by January 20, 2009 (72)
(People Magazine) Followup Morgan Freeman released from hospital - and August is one damn fine month to be released from the hospital (97)
(Some Guy) Caption Help Metallica pick a better title for their upcoming album (410)
(My Fox Dallas) Dumbass Man arrested after smashing his truck into 17 vehicles in a drunken rampage. By the looks of his mugshot, he probably mistook them for giant metal demons, unlike anything he'd seen living his entire life in a hollowed out oak tree (73)
(Reuters) Scary Most people call it "traversing dangerous bear country". In Vancouver, they call it "gardening" (48)
(Louisville Courier-Journal) Scary Notoriously haunted sanitorium to become "boutique hotel with a spa and fitness center" (222)
(News.com.au) Followup Turns out, the woman who sold her house to clone her pit bull fled England 30 years ago after kidnapping some Mormon guy to be used as a sex slave. And then it gets weird (194)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Autistic students get their own school. It's 125.67 feet long and made of 657,924 bricks (124)
(Some Guy) Amusing Hey, I have an idea. I'll use this customer's credit card information 110 times to steal $10,758 of merchandise at the store I work at. No one will ever catch on. This is the perfect plan. I am the smartest 21-year-old EVAR (86)
(Wired) Amusing Top ten things not to type in your Facebook status update. Submitter is: in his bunk with a bowl of Jell-o. Voting enabled, submit other ideas (421)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Eric Dowling (inspiration for "The Great Escape) dead at 92; Erik Darling ('60s songwriter of The Weavers) dead at 74. So you can see the confusion (48)
(ABC Action News) Florida Rape victim sues hospital after they victimize her again...by asking her to pay her bill (370)
(insidebayarea.com) Stupid Burglars steal television, get spotted by police, flee in vehicle, crash car on freeway, flee again on foot. Five police agencies, a helicopter, and two police dogs later, burglars nowhere to be found (41)
(Telegraph) Amusing Sixteen-year-old burglar one of the youngest ever to be featured on a WANTED poster. Bonus: because New Zealand law bans pictures of juvenile criminals, they decided to use Robbie Coltrane's image instead (52)
(BBC) Stupid Man with tattoos gets turned away from club, sets up Facebook group in protest. This is news? (206)
(Some Guy) Scary Dear Atlantans, pay no attention to the 500,000 coffins stockpiled at Hartsfield Airport. Sincerely FEMA (167)
(WESH Orlando) Florida When renewing your registration, it is not necessary to bring your car into the office with you (35)
(Reuters) Stupid "Waterboard Thrill Ride" beckons a sign along with cartoon character "SpongeBob SquarePants" who appears tied down and exclaiming: "It don't Gitmo better" (445)
(MSNBC) Amusing MSNBC shocked to learn that the freecreditreport.com guy does not have credit woes, nor does he actually sing in the commercials (245)
(Some Guy) Followup Westboro Baptist Chruch plans to picket greyhound bus victims funeral claiming "God is punishing Canada". Apparently Phelps has never heard of Avril Lavigne nor Nickleback (389)
(Some Guy) Amusing A catfight, a boob bite, a greenlight (87)
(Dallas News) Amusing PETA classiness continues -- West Virginia Beef Queen challenged to wrest PETA Lettuce Lady in vat of tofu (153)
(Some Guy) Weird Man tries to attack his family with a chainsaw. When that won't start, he switches to a weed wacker. When that won't start he tries to run over his wife. Fail X 3 (43)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Commute takes minutes in car, but hours on Metro buses. Way to encourage less oil consumption, Houston (211)
(AP) Obvious Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf faces impeachment for having "eroded the trust of the nation" during his eight years in power. At least some countries have standards (207)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Psychic Uri Geller can bend spoons with his mind, but he can't keep videos debunking him off of YouTube (73)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass When marketing your car's fuel efficiency, it is probably best not to use actors portraying pissed off Muslims complaining about how it is costing them millions. "May hawks poke at you day and night." (w/video) (147)
(Free Press) NewsFlash Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick sent to jail (489)
(News.com.au) Followup Qantas has never had a crash, but it's not for lack of trying - another plane grounded with 95 defects (24)
(Reuters) Asinine A chance to stand in long check in and security lines, barefoot and semi-dressed at its new JFK terminal for a "free trip to nowhere" has been proudly announced by Jet Blue (40)
(ClusterStock) Ironic High gas prices force the US to act like France. Hello four-day work week (176)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this water whiplash (53)
(SFGate) Strange I made you a wedding cake, but I eight it (151)
(USA Today) Stupid Government fining companies for selling clothing that is "dangerous" to children. Laced with strychnine? Line with lead? Overly combustible or hiding pockets of bees? Nope. Drawstrings. DRAWSTRINGS OF DEATH (110)
(KSL TV) Dumbass Bad: Crashing into a pole. Worse: While drunk. Fark: Driving a schoolbus full of kids (39)
(Canada.com) Amusing Park visitors who let their dogs run free to chase squirrels are alarmed to discover that Yorkies are in the middle of the food chain, not at the top (278)
(The Gazette) Amusing Truck with at least 25,000 pounds of bananas crashes into buffalo in Iowa. Harry Chapin would call it an even 30,000 (53)
(Some Guy) PSA 150-gallon fuel spill shuts down the southbound 5 freeway near L.A. Street value estimated to be around $2 million (43)
(Scene) Dumbass Drunken stewardess causes full evacuation of five-star hotel. Oops, make that "former" stewardess (69)
(STLToday) Scary Lots of people screw up on their first day on the job. Most of the time, though, it's not as serious as a tiger chewing off their leg (66)
(AP) Hero Kid haunted from age of 9 about unsolved murder gets hardcore; becomes a State Police Detective, spends countless hours of his own time, ends up solving the crime and giving victim proper burial (78)
(Some Guy) Amusing This week on Craigslist Follies: Man and woman meet up for kinky sex in park, but what happens when a homeless lady chances upon their meeting? (132)
(BBC) Obvious Parties agree "in principle" to begin impeachment hearings against the president (129)
(Stuff) Amusing Girl sparks army defense alert by leaving homemade CD labeled "Jericho IV - Nuclear Modified" in her car. She's just lucky the RIAA didn't get involved (76)
(Some Guy) Obvious Fisherman's dying wish granted as his ashes are turned into 30 pounds of fishbait. So if your catch tasted a little corpsey, here's why (37)
(Telegraph) Obvious Univirsaty studonts kan nott spel (276)
(Some Guy) Scary Cancer might evolve to become contagious. EVERYBODY PANIC (147)
(Telegraph) Interesting Almost one in five paternity claims handled by the Child Support Agency end up showing the woman has deliberately or inadvertently misidentified the father. Apparently fb- may not be the father (273)
(TC Palm) Amusing Florida Highway Patrol urges motorcyclists to wear neon green chaps, grow mustaches, wear mirrored glasses (82)
(AJC) Weird Fashion-savvy guys, admit it: Are you wearing pantyhose under those expensive trousers? (166)
(Reuters) Scary Mexican soldiers briefly held a US Border Patrol agent at gunpoint in a remote stretch of the Arizona desert after they (mistakenly) strayed north across the border (204)
(Some Nord) Photoshop Photoshop this fjord (73)
(Yahoo) Dumbass We got a little ol' convoy, led by GPS / We got a Utah convoy, explorin' the mountain west / Come on join our convoy, we'll get there in a jiff / Unfortunately this convoy's rollin' off a cliff (68)
(STLToday) Sick Married State Representative and licensed foster parent Scott Muschany (R - MOlester) indicted for raping his mistresses' 14 yr-old daughter while she watched. Good thing he co-sponsored legislation that toughened sex offender laws (174)
(OC Rag) Amusing Christian biker gang members arrested for attempted murder of Hell's Angels. Ironic tag battles Obvious while Amusing looks on (103)
(Fox News) Dumbass Oops: New flag stamp has 14 stripes (105)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Stay classy, PETA, stay classy (lots)
(AJC) Obvious Atlanta has too many mental patients (64)
(Some Guy) Obvious Dog swallows a two-foot-long stick and survives. Your dog doesn't want stake (pic) (41)
(ESPN) News B-R-E-T Brett Brett Brett (498)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 170: "Go With the Flow". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (300)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Mug shot and police report describing what that naked Indiana nut was doing with his claw hammer and motor oil (108)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Teen arrested for getting all stabby on his father after he tries to make him get a haircut (60)
(Daily Mail) Sad It was only a matter of time. Man chokes to death during a cake-eating competition (81)
(Daily Herald) Silly Car wash in Chicago suburb offers "Best Hand Job in Town." Naturally the town has a serious problem with that. Marvel at how the reporter dances around what the sign actually says (82)
(Tech Digest) Cool Old & busted: homemade Batman's tumbler. New hotness: homemade A-team van...and it's for hire (62)
(Forbes) Sad Congratulations Ohio for garnering four slots on the Forbes 10 fastest dying cities in the US list (276)
(Boston Globe) Stupid New Jersey douchebags invade Nicaragua, offer impoverished villagers $5 for a donated "19-0 perfect season" T-shirt just to taunt pissed off Patriots fans (226)
(AP) Strange Woman riding a donkey fights off lion with machete (80)
(Reuters) Interesting Mexican illegal immigrants more likely to contract AIDS that would otherwise go to hardworking blue-collar Americans (78)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fiddling frequency finder (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bureaucrat in charge of developing Gaelic as a language in Scotland quits after two months on the job after acknowledging Gaelic is a deader language than Klingon or Esperanto (115)
(The Sun) Sappy Most army wives use flags at their fallen husband's funeral -- but on a rare occasion you'll find some that use a floral arrangements spelling out "Sexy Pants" (156)
(London Times) Unlikely Beijing channels Baghdad Bob, claims the smog everyone sees is "mist" (76)
(AP) Stupid Obama jokes about McCain's tire pressure recommendation, adding that the double-deuce spinners on his Escalade are more properly inflated than those on McCain's hearse (444)
(AP) Scary CDC says average ER wait time nearly an hour. Subby wants to know where it is that low (276)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida "Bouschet ... didn't understand why she was wrong to place the 3-year-old girl on the roof of the car and drive her ... around the parking lot. She said she was just giving the child some air and letting her have fun." (67)
(KNBC) Dumbass "It surprised the officer when Yates lifted up his shirt and removed a 3 1/2-pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants." (68)
(nbc17.com) Dumbass Man holds up lingerie store with Play-Doh (w The Smoking Gun--worthy mugshot) (133)
(Some Guy) Weird Last comic standing contestant Sean Cullen told not to mention Canada because it would confuse American audiences (244)
(AP) Amusing Mummy fetuses in King Tut's tomb may be his children, or simply snacks (74)
(Some Angry Lady) Dumbass Not news: Store employees ask lady to not breast feed in the middle of the aisle, offer seat to the side. News: She goes to the media, store apologizes. Fark: "Feed-in" protest planned for tomorrow 12:30 (716)
(CBS New York) Obvious This just in: Girls Gone Wild employees are not classy people (128)
(Detroit News) Dumbass High School instructor to teach boating safety lessons. By "high school instructor" I mean "33 yr old Female Teacher" and by "teach safety lessons" I mean "have sex with students on that boat" (109)
(College Humor) Dumbass Crazy lady can't understand why a rainbow appears when her lawn sprinkler is on (343)
(BBC) Dumbass TV journalist addressing Asian women quips, "I'm happy that the podium covers me from the waist down" (¾)
(Some Guy) PSA Attention Scottsburg, Indiana middle schools: I don't think the animated gif on your home page means what you think it means (486)
(First Coast News) Followup Reptile, 111, finally becoming a father, thereby beating Strom Thurmond's record. Double Fark: He's now enjoying the company of three females (55)
(Time) Sad A new website connects people who feel entitled to free money with the lawyers who can get it for them. Your dog has a grievance with the vet (68)
(USA Today) Interesting Thirty percent of "Mythbusters'" ideas come from fans, including "Kari determines if bras are more elastic than bustiers," and "Can a Mythbusters female, say Kari for example, swim better naked than clothed?" (336)
(WANE) Strange Police bust some naked guy in his home for conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil (111)
(MSN) Stupid The latest in media sensationalism/scaremongering: "Retiring is unpatriotic." Get back to work Grandpa (171)
(Time) Asinine TSA posts new rule "allowing" laptops only in approved bags containing no pockets, buttons, flaps, zippers, buclkes, clasps, or metal. And by "allow" they mean "we can still detain it forever if we feel like it" (212)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this art-fair opening (41)
(London Times) Obvious Britain touts "fakerproof" passports. You're reading this on Fark, so you can guess what happened (60)
(Fox News) Weird Flight attendant says scrap with Joel Osteen's wife led to "anxiety and hemorrhoids" (126)
(Some Gal) PSA Ace will you marry me? PS: get back to work. - Nikita (¾)
(WTAM) Dumbass If you steal a car, don't drive it back past the scene of the crime (25)
(Salon) Followup Leak: We know he was the anthrax mailer because the mailbox was 100 yards from a sorority he was obsessed with. Reality: It was 100 yards from a sorority which had a member that he dated 27 years ago. At another school (293)
(TheSpec.com) Ironic Actual headline: Clinton urges monogamy (95)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Doctors say the baby should slide right out sometime in April and she won't feel a thing (535)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Prosecutor seeks release of anthrax documents. Wasn't that the problem in the first place? (11)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ever wonder why you never won any of the good prizes playing McDonald's Monopoly? Here's the answer (170)
(Herald-Leader) Unlikely Asteroid mining "X" seminar features discussions on mining in space, challenges in losing one's virginity before age 40 (161)
(BBSpot) Weird Hollywood really running out of ideas. Zork movie that's all text. At least it's got Morgan Freeman's voice (144)
(Canada.com) Weird Documents from President Bush's 2004 visit to Canada include briefing on Canadian social customs, such as removing hats while indoors. Bonus: Discusses migration patterns of Belly Dancers Against Bush (57)
(US News) Hero Did General Patraeus save the U.S. economy? It's more likely than you think (277)
(Reuters) Obvious Morgan Stanley to clients: "You know that home equity line of credit we gave you? Funny thing about that..." (74)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Nothing says retirement like a leisurely drive with 17 rocks of crack in the car (24)
(Gawker) Unlikely Hey, it's a picture of John Edwards with some random baby. Will MSM finally jump on this story? (With pic) (154)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Sadr's giving up. This important news story is expected to receive as much attention from the NY Times as the John Edwards love child (127)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Writer pens a historical novel about Aisha, Muhammed's favorite child bride. Publisher gives her $100K and a two-book deal and sends the book out for reaction. Unless you are more clueless than a blind deaf-mute, you can guess the reaction (326)
(AJC) Interesting Wandering prostitutes prompt "No Ho Zone" sign. Hilton, Lohan, Spears unimpressed (75)
(CNN) Followup Bin Laden's former driver found guilty of terrorism, leaving left blinker on (170)
(Seattle Times) Followup George Bush says an "Axis of Evil" needs at least three countries to be even a little bit scary (141)
(KHOU Houston) Amusing Ever wonder how many cheerleaders can fit into a dormitory elevator? Answer: Not 26 (303)
(SFGate) Amusing Man steals truck, only to be carjacked as he stops at a convenience store (50)
(WGAL 8) Interesting The repo man understands the economy is bad. He knows gas is through the roof. He feels your pain. But he's still taking your car. "The past six months have been through the roof. My fax machine is non-stop" (210)
(This Is Local London) Amusing Man finally discovers why his home has been plagued by leering, drunken visitors late at night (67)
(Google) Cool Chicago Fark Party reminder: Saturday, August 16th. The Lincoln Tap Room. Lots of details in thread, drink it up. Bonus: Drew's coming. Another reminder: No yelling (70)
(State Journal-Register) Amusing Attention shoppers, outside today we have Stripper Fight. Stripper Fight, outside (68)
(Deja Vu) Stupid If you first don't succeed, fail fail again (58)
(Bradenton Herald) Followup The good news is that the Packers can run that jersey retirement ceremony as planned (238)
(SFGate) Dumbass Thou shalt not wave a gun and curse at other motorists, even if thou art late to give a sermon (33)
(SFGate) Amusing "This is the Santa Cruz police department. The time is now 4:00 a.m. and we are calling to remind you about our National Night Out event to raise community awareness" (45)
(News.com.au) Scary Not scary: Man asks you for drink of water. Scary: Man is lying on slab awaiting autopsy (91)
(Press Herald.com) Sick Man keeps a "smell log" to keep track of the odors from a pump station across the street (35)
(Some Guy) Amusing Who among us hasn't wanted to photocopy their buttocks in the St. Louis County Courthouse? Bonus quote to police as he is caught mid-copy: "What did I do?" (26)
(CBS News) Interesting Some time yesterday, a group of bearded intruders successfully violated security at an important New York site (43)
(Newsday) Sappy Woman receives masters degree at 90. Her thesis? Comparative methods for chasing individuals from lawns (27)
(CP24) Asinine City wants to fine elderly man $25,000 for doing free repairs for his neighbors. His response? "Fark you, send me to jail" (170)
(Abc.net.au) News Military coup in Mauritania. Soldiers take president, interior minister and prime minister prisoner faster than you can find Mauritania on a map (167)
(Telegram) Dumbass Man flees police by driving across lake. In true cartoon fashion, he didn't realize that wasn't supposed to work until he got 50 yards out and then looked down (18)
(Reuters) Spiffy Catholic church in Italy introduces inflatable church. Can subby marry his inflatable girlfriend there? (19)
(Telegraph) Amusing Britney Spears to play a killer lesbian stripper in the Quentin Tarantino's next movie (159)

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